I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
