you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
