YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
