Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
