And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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