speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
