That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
