no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
