Whoa Z and x make the same sound
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
