I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
