so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
