something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
