Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
