I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
