i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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