State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
