Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize