i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
