drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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