Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
