She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
