Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
