if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
