It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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