i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
