In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
