You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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