oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
