It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
