u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
