I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
