I think I won the penis lottery.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
