I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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