You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
