You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
