SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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