also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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