You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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