The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
