wanna go halves on a baby?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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