Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
