I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
