someone threw a dead crab at me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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