Whod you bang
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Randomize
