just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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