I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
