she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
