Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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