no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
