Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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