mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
