bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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