I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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