Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
