Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my sisters under your porch take her home
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
