OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
