is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
