"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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