So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
