I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize