Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
