So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
