OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
