Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well you can't waste a boner
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
