So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
