i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
