Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
