i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sorry my hands just texted you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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