the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
