I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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