I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize