Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Never underestimate the power of titties
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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