So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
